Joke, by definition, is a kind of short, funny folklore. Finally, we have prepared a special collection of short and funny jokes, among which you will discover both smart jokes and short and dry jokes. They are comical, easy to read, easy to remember and enjoyable to say.
The Newest and Shortest Jokes
In this collection we have prepared the funniest short jokes. Please read them, especially if you like short jokes with Bubble, blondes, babies or animals.
An ant passes under an elephant and it drifts right over it. After about two hours, the ant comes out from under the dung and says: – Damn it, it hit me right in the eye!
Two wolves go to steal sheep. The woodpecker hears them and leaves them to the shepherd who is lurking. In the evening, the wolves arrive at the sheepfold and want to enter a hole in the fence. The first wolf enters the hole and the shepherd shoots him in the face. He puts his hand to his muzzle and turns to the other, saying, “You’re the first to come in, I’m laughing!”
😄 Three bats on a branch. The first one flies back, after an hour he comes back, full of blood and asks: -See that herd of cows
I made dust. The second one flies and after 30 minutes it comes back full of blood: -You see that flock of lambs
I made them. The third one flies, after 2 minutes he comes back full of blood: -You see the Church Tower
-Yes, the others answer. “I didn’t see him,” he said.
😄 A man enters a friend’s yard. He knocks on the door and the dog comes out. He gets up on two legs and says: -The master is not at home! That one, out of fear, fainted. After five minutes he gets up and asks the dog: -If you are a dog you should not bark
At which dog: -Yes, but I did not want to scare you.
😄 The bunny enters the bar and says firmly: -Who is the coolest here
After a few seconds of puzzled silence the lion rises: -Me! -Come here with me! And now: who is the second coolest here
The bear stood up: -I! -Come here with me! And now, who’s with the three of us
? Three blondes go into a bar. Happy, dance and sing. They also get something to drink. The bartender finally asks them what they are celebrating. One of them explains: -We just finished a puzzle and it took us only 3 months. And on the box it was written 2-4 years!
😄 At a bar, he discusses two blondes from his early youth: -See the two men there
Well, the one on the right is my husband, the one on the left is my lover. -How weird… It’s the other way around for me!
Blonde Two blondes were talking. One of them asks the other: -Darling, when you make love, you talk to your husband
-Yes, if he calls me!
😄 You know what the blonde does with a sheet of paper on the Bucharest-Ploiești Highway. She
drives an A4!
😄 From April 1, Bulă wanted to fool someone too, so he goes to his mother and says: -Mom, my father was hanged in the garage! Her mother runs away crying in the garage. -Bubble, but no one is hanging in the garage. To which Bula answers: -Fooling trick of April 1, my father is hanged in the attic.
😄 School day. Teacher: Matache, what is your father working on?
M: In government! P: Go to the first bench. Ionescu, what is your father working on
: In the Senate! P: Go to the first bench. Bubble, what is your father doing
B: At the police! P: Go to the first bench. But where he works for the police
B: I don’t know, they arrested him today!
😄 At school, the teacher noticed that Bula had started to miss. When Bula returns, the teacher asks him: -Bula, what happened
-A bulldozer trampled my mother. He said the same excuses for the next 2 weeks, that the bulldozer trampled on my father and sister. But one day the teacher asks Bula: -What are you doing all day, Bula
-I walk around with the bulldozer.
😄 During the Romanian class, the teacher gives to the students to learn for the next day Mihai Eminescu’s poem “And if the branches knock on the window”. The next day the teacher listens to all the students and when she arrives at Bulișor she says: -And if branches knock on the window… And if branches knock on the window… I get angry and cut the tree!
😄 -What does parasite mean
You can answer me with your words, the teacher encourages the student. -Something sitting on someone else’s back. -Very well! Can you give me an example
– The backpack.
😄 The child returns from the first day of school and says to the parents: -Ready! I’m not going to school anymore! The parents ask: -Why does the
child answer: -I don’t know about writing! I don’t know how to read! And I won’t even let you talk!
😄 How to have a serious conversation with your son: Son: -Dad, I’m hungry! Father: -Hello, Hungry, I’m the father. Son: -Dad, I’m serious! Father: -I thought you were hungry! Son: -You’re gone
Father: -No, I’m the father.
😄 When drawing, a child draws an angel. The teacher comes and says: -What are you drawing there
-An angel! -With three wings
Where else have you seen an angel with three wings, baby
-But you with two wings where you saw
😄 -How is your new little brother, Popescu
, the teacher asks. -He’s doing very well, but I’m afraid my mother is going to sell him. -Somehow
-Well, he weighs it every day.
😄 A child was crying in the hallway. The teacher sees him. -Children, why are you crying
-A child stole my pie! -It was intentional
-No, with cheese.
😄 At the pediatrician, the father with the one-year-old boy: -Doctor, I’m very worried! The child, up to this age, has not yet opened his eyes! -You should open them! The child is Chinese.
😄 -Dad, I can watch TV
. The father answers: -Watch calm, just don’t turn it on!
😄 -Daddy, why did you marry my mother
-See, not even the child understands why.
😄 -Mom, today on the bus, my father made me give up the place of a young lady. -Very good, that’s what you have to do. -But, Mommy, I was sitting in Dad’s arms.
😄 -Mom, you told me that angels have wings and can fly, yes
-Of course, my dear. -Last night, when you weren’t there, I heard my father call the nanny “angel”. She’s going to fly
-Tomorrow morning, honey, tomorrow morning.
😄 My mother talks to Bulă: -Son, I bought your textbooks for school, they were expensive, so take care of them! -Okay mom, I don’t even touch them!
A mother bought her son a Halloween costume to scare his friends. -Mom, I should take out the price tag, no
-No, leave him alone, we scare your father too!
😄 -My daughter, when I told you to come home like Cinderella, I thought you would come at 24:00, not that you would come with only one shoe and no dress!
😄 Why the math book died
Because he had too many problems in it.
😄 -Who dared to overthrow my office like this
, tuna the director. -Your little boy, sir! -Talented child, isn’t it
😄 A young mother calls for help: -Hello, my child ate sand. I gave him water to drink. What to do next
– Be careful not to get too close to the cement!
😄 -Children, because you were so good, today I’m going to take you to the confectionery to see how the world eats cakes.
Funny and Short Jokes
The word “joke” comes from the ancient Greek and means “unprinted.” That is, it was common for jokes to be passed from one to another in oral form, not long ago.
Tip A guy walks into a brewery: -Give me a beer, I’m waiting for my wife here. -The brunette or the blonde
asks the waiter. -I don’t know, he just went to the hairdresser.
Tip A guy enters a store with hunting items. -Hello, you have camouflage pants
-We have, but we can’t find them!
➞ At the exam, a student takes a ticket – he doesn’t know, he takes another one, he doesn’t know again, so it happens with the third, fourth to fifth ticket, when the teacher tells him to stop, because he gave him a grade of five. The other students revolt: -For what
-How for what
As he looks, it means he knows something.
➞ A guy goes into the Navy. While completing his paperwork, he is asked: -You know how to swim
-Yes, you don’t have boats
➞ -Why do men chase after women they are not going to marry
-For the same reason why dogs run after cars on who are not going to lead them!
A grandmother goes on the railway. From behind comes a whistling train. What do you think Grandma says
– Good girls don’t turn their heads after vagrants.
- A guy, after being examined by a doctor, is told that he doesn’t have much to live for. Without any hope, he asks the doctor how much he has left. -10, says the doctor. -Ten
questions the patient. Ten years, months, days
-9, 8, 7… continues the doctor. - An Oltenian comes to the bar: – Two hundred brandy, in two glasses. The bartender asks: -Why in two glasses, that you are alone
-I have a friend who went to Afghanistan who told me to drink for him too. - Why Men with BMWs Succeed at Women
Simple, they read between the lines: Be My Wife! - Q: What is 1000 feet and IQ = 10
A: A column of blondes. - Two Transylvanians at the train station, at the ticket office: -Miss, two tickets. -Yes, sure, how far
-Gheo, we say
-No. -Miss, two tickets, please. -Sure, but if you don’t tell me where you’re going, I don’t know how much to ask. -Gheo, we tell him
-Tell him. -Miss, we’re going to a wedding! - Q: What does a foreigner say when he comes to Romania and sees a market
A: Mall in the open air! - -In a city with the lights off, a car with its headlights on. At one point, the car hits a black. -But how the driver realizes he was a bitch
-It was day outside.
➞ -You know why elephants have red eyes
To hide in the cherry. -Have you ever seen elephants in a cherry tree
-You have seen how well they hide
➞ If you run in the morning, the day will be a good one, because nothing worse than running 10 kilometers in the morning can no longer happen to you.
➞ Always prepare for the worst and then any result will satisfy you. For example, my roast was burned, but at least I didn’t die.
➞ -You look very good, what is your diet
-Unemployment.
It annoys me when I have to pay at the store, even if I said thank you.
No good story starts with the words: “We ate a salad with our friends…”
➞ If the family broke up, then you can’t just blame your husband. Both are to blame both husband and mother-in-law.
➞ -Why no one offends a gypsy boy in first grade
-Because his father is studying in sixth grade.
Rez I work as a waiter in a cafe. From the first day I realized I shouldn’t eat here, when the cook asked me to buy him a hot dog for lunch.
➞ Attention test: one stripe – you are careful, two stripes – you are gaping.
➞ To see if your husband is checking your bag, put a condom in there.
➞ Now everyone is thinking about where to celebrate the New Year, and I took care of that in August, buying a sofa.
➞ I was looking for a job. I went to the job exchange, they hired me at the same scholarship. Now I’m looking for work for others.
➞ A terrible accident took place at the beer festival – his wife visited the garage.
➞ Judging by the contents of my fridge, only the cat lives in the apartment… and a drunk.
➞ The neighbor upstairs shouted so loudly at her baby in the morning that I vacuumed the apartment and got warmer.
Short jokes
Suitable for Facebook, Twitter or WhatsApp, these super cool joke examples will create a great mood for you and your friends.
- The barber asks the customer: -How to cut your hair to be satisfied
-Free! - At a ball, one goes to a girl: – Doll, you dance
– Yes, sure. -Well, then let me sit on the chair. - A phone call to a travel agency: -Take a trip to Egypt
-Yes, of course. -Please tell me what resorts are
-Sharm-el-Sheick, Hurghada, Taba, Nuveiba… – Stop. Nuveiba. The bride is good! -When you want to leave, a few people
-Ah, no, we’re not leaving. We just solve integrals. - An employee enters the boss’s office, pulls the telephone cord from the wall, throws the papers on the floor, pours the coffee on his head and beats him. Colleagues in the office shout: -Stop, Fans, we’re kidding, you didn’t win the lottery.
- Two blondes in a car stop at the red light: -Mom, see what a beautiful red
-Yes, wow! -Yes, that’s fine yellow. -Aha. -Yes, what a beautiful green. -Yes, that’s really great. -Eee, and that red. I’ve seen him before, let’s go! - He was once a rather unlucky fisherman. A curious passer-by asks him: -It’s a fish in the pond
-It’s, cover it with water! - A pawnbroker was the first to know that the neighbors’ apartment had been robbed.
- 15 children from a large family eventually persuaded their father to shave their mustache, which drove their mother crazy.
➡️ After 20 years of my life, I realized that the most important thing is to wash the plate of buckwheat immediately.
➡️ The bunny hadn’t had a bunny for so long that even wolves were afraid of him in the woods.
➡️ My dear, I’m at the Post Office for a package! While I’m gone, raise our son a real man, please.
➡️ I realized that I am already a wealthy person and I can afford to throw away a disposable fork!
➡️ My favorite dish is pasta with cheese, because its name includes both the recipe and the list of ingredients.
➡️ The habit of stealing from work has brought the solarium administrator to skin cancer.
➡️ If I get into a coma, don’t disconnect me from the device for about five years. I probably just decided to get tired of sleeping.
➡️ Insurance is when the lucky people pay for the failures of the unlucky people.
➡️ I didn’t drink or smoke for six years, I didn’t think about girls at all. Then my mother took me to school.
➡️ I posted a resume. The first call was from my job, from which I fired, with a proposal to hire me.
➡️ The minimum living wage is when a person for some reason does not die with this money.
➡️ I realized that I start to get bald when I need more time to wash my face.
➡️ When I went to the movies for the first time, I cried a lot and calmed down only when they told me it was normal when your ticket breaks at the entrance.
➡️ It is said that if a basket appeared, then someone fell in love with you. Judging by my face, there is a sect that adores me somewhere.
➡️ Every time I vacuum my apartment, I wonder how my wife and cat aren’t bald yet
➡️ They couldn’t turn off the burning library for a week because people kept turning and turning the books.
➡️ When Robin Hood got married, not everything he took from the rich to the poor.
Dry, short and bad jokes
Jokes usually do not have an author, or rather, each story has its own author, whose name is simply forgotten because of the wide distribution and the passing of the years. So all these jokes are anonymous. This category includes short jokes about nonsense, about human stupidity and a note of black humor.
↩️ It was a submarine above the desert. At one point he stops, the periscope rises, and a sailor looks through it. Commander: -How many
Sailor: 15. Commander: -What 15
Sailor: -How many
↩️ A man had a horse and the horse had nothing against it!
↩️ If you bought a watch without documents and a box, and the bracelet is a little bloody, then most likely they are original.
↩️ These suspicious guys seem to have realized that I recently recovered from paranoia.
↩️ Q: What does a sperm say when it chases an egg
? A: When I catch you, I make you.
↩️ There were 3 comrades to drink. One was called George, one was Bobi and one was called his wife at home.
↩️ He was the one who fell into thoughts and broke his hand.
↩️ Who laughs afterwards, thinks more slowly.
↩️ -I ever told you about me
Mines are holes from which miners come out.
↩️ -2 mice look through a pipe. One at one end, the other at the other. Why they don’t see
each other -Because one is watching on Tuesday and the other on Wednesday.
↩️ -Why the first elephant fell from the tree
-Because he was dead. -Why the second elephant fell from the tree
-It was related to the first. -Why the third elephant fell from the tree
-He thought it was some kind of game and it was his turn.
↩️ -Mihai the Brave was riding a horse and suddenly fell. -Why -The
horse is over!
↩️ Talk between two cherries: -I have a worm, look so big! -Damage it!
↩️ The bubble was dying, and death said to him: Get off me!
↩️ An ant wanted to think and broke her head.
↩️ A decent prostitute first introduced the client to his parents.
↩️ Colleague Alina was hated by both boys and girls, because the first one had both her breasts and her mustache raised.
↩️ A fatal accident occurred at a rally of pathologists. Everyone was so happy!
↩️ I have so much money that I hide books among them!
↩️ A mute man says to a deaf man: -A blind man is after us!
↩️ Zorro sees a girl who looks great. To impress her, make a “Z” on the fence. Tip:
↩️ -Wow, Superman!
↩️ Once upon a time there was a RED emperor and a GREEN emperor. And if he was also the YELLOW emperor, I would tell you a story with a traffic light!
↩️ There were 3 horses: one white, one black and one later.
↩️ A child asks his father: -Why are these tomatoes so yellow
-Because they are green.
↩️ There were two eagles on a rock: one gray and one was about to fall.
↩️ Why doesn’t the snail run
Don’t roll your eyes.
↩️ Two skeletons pull on the skin!
We hope you enjoyed these short and funny jokes and that they will become your basic choice for laughing to tears.
