On this page we laugh and joke about everything and everyone, because we have collected the funniest jokes in the world! Jokes and funny jokes about school are collected here, with blondes, with animals, but I didn’t forget the main character of Romanian humor either – the funny ones with Bubble.
Moreover, we have prepared a series of decent and funny jokes for children, but also bad, short and funny jokes for the more mature readership.
Funny short jokes
These super funny jokes will make everyone happy. Most importantly, you can read them for free and without registering.
➞ Q: Alinuța, why do you put cocoa in canary water
A: To make chocolate eggs.
➞ Q: – Why does a wall break when it is hit by a blonde with a head
R: – The smartest one gives up.
➞ Q: – What is written on the grave of a blonde
A: – Finally, she slept alone.
➞ Q: Why are there two footprints on the computer screen
? A: A blonde tried to enter the internet.
➞ -Gheorghe will come out
– No, he has a life sentence.
➞ If you ask me what I like best: sex or you, I will answer that you, because I am cunning.
➞ Three frogs are standing on the edge and thinking of jumping into the water. How many frogs remain on the edge
The correct answer is three. Thinking and jumping are two different things!
The Korean was standing in front of the gate with the inscription “Attention, bad dog”. For the first time in his life, he was fighting hunger and fear.
➞ In Japan, they invented a camera with such high speed that there is a chance to take a picture of a woman with her mouth closed.
➞ In Africa, if a person is made up of 80% water, then it is considered to come from a prosperous family.
➞ If you saw a man with a smile on his face in a crowded morning minibus, do not try to repeat this, the trick was done by a professional stuntman.
➞ – I dreamed of being a billionaire like my father, says Bulișor. – Your father is a billionaire
– No! And he aims!
➞ Today was a sad day, I had to disconnect my grandmother from the appliances. I really needed that socket to charge my phone.
➞ The bride, because she is not on good terms with the wedding guests, before throwing the bouquet, hid a brick in it.
➞ -My mother won’t let me keep the dog in the house! – But your father
– Leave him.
➞ -Why don’t elephants eat polenta
-Because no one gives them.
➞ Mommy, tell me, please, when you made me, you wanted a girl or a boy
– To tell you the truth, I just wanted to watch the movie.
➞ – Teacher, know that my son can’t come to school! “But who am I talking
to?” “My father!”
➞ – Dad, you can write in the dark
– Let’s try! “Okay, Dad,” I turned off the light, “now sign in your notebook.”
➞ – Why do we say our mother tongue and not our mother tongue
– Because my mother speaks the most at home.
➞ -What did the number 0 say to the number 8
– Beautiful belt!
➞ -What is the first thing a king or queen does when he comes to the throne
-Sits down.
Doctor Doctor, I have a problem: people don’t pay much attention to me. – Next.
➞ -What does a computer science teacher shout when he drowns
– F1, F1, F1!
➞ The top of the internet: to receive e-mail through the Romanian Post.
➞ – I would like to travel in space during theses! – Why
– There any subject is 6 times lighter.
➞ -What the hurricane tornado told him
-I’m watching you!
➞ – I have a dog that feels like a mile from home. What do you think about this
– I think you should take a shower urgently.
➞ -What is the name of the parrot’s wife
-Mamagal.
➞ The peak of the flight: to fly in the sky.
➞ -How to get light with water
-Wash windows!
Fant Two ghosts were talking: – Listen, you believe in people
Funny short jokes
These jokes are designed for both girls and boys. Choose the funniest joke in your opinion and share it with your friends or colleagues.
Inu Alinuta is playing outside with a hidden boy. She says: – If you find me in 20 minutes you can hold my hand, and if you find me in 10 minutes you can kiss me, and if you find me immediately you do what you want with me. You see I’m hiding behind the fridge.
⭐ Bulă received a bicycle for his birthday and is walking around the block. His mother admired him from the balcony. “Look, Mommy, without a hand!” After another round, “Look, Mommy, no hands!” After another round, “Look, Mommy, no teeth!”
⭐ One evening, all Alinuța’s brothers were laughing, only Alinuța was crying. – Why are you crying, Alinuta
the father asks. “My brothers threw my mother off the balcony!” Alinuta said with a sigh. – And why are you crying
– I didn’t see the stage!
Inu Alinuta was in the room with her boyfriend. The girl’s mother tells her that if the boy kisses her to shout apples, if he puts his hand on her breasts to shout pears, and if he puts his hand in the basement to shout quince. After half an hour Alinuța starts shouting: -Fruit salad!
⭐ The physics teacher asks Bula: -You know which are the two words that the students mainly use
– I don’t know. -Exact! These are!
⭐ -Mom, the kids at school say I have big teeth! -How to have big teeth, Alinuța
But please shut up and scratch the floor!
⭐ The naked Alinuta enters a bar and orders a whiskey. The bartender comes, looks down at her. Alinuța sees him and asks him: -Have you never seen a naked woman
?
⭐ – Mom, I’m tired! It’s a long way to the grandmother
– Shut up and dig!
⭐ Alinuța is missing three days from school. On the fourth day when she comes, the teacher asks her: -Why did you miss, Alinuțo
-Mom died! -Why, Alinuțo
-He hit a nail and hit his finger. -Well, Alinuțo, but you don’t die like that! – Daddy took pity on him and shot her!
⭐ Alinuța: -Daddy, I can still play with my grandfather
. Father: Okay, darling, but this is the last time I dig it up.
⭐ Bubble is late for school. The teacher was already in class. -Hello! he says sadly. -Bubble, please come out and come in happy! Then he goes out: -Hello! he says almost happily. -Don’t hear, come in happy! -Hello! How are you
What a beautiful day! he said very happily. -Very well! But why did you delay
Bula very happy: -Mother died!
⭐ Grandma asks her niece, Alinuța: -Alinuța, have you ever seen a deer
-Yes, on TV. -I wonder if you’ve seen it in nature. -No, because my dad won’t let me take the TV out in the yard.
Inu Alinuța: -Daddy, what is a transvestite
Dad: -Shut up and take off my bra.
Inu Alinuta gets on the bus one day with her mother. Big pile. At one point, Alinuța says to her mother: -Mother, I think I got pregnant. To which mother: -With whom, dear
Alinuța: -I don’t know, because I can’t go back to see him.
⭐ Alinuta in the mountains, on the edge of the precipice. Mother: -Alinuța, make sure you don’t fall into the abyss. Alinuța: -Bineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
⭐ A blonde was driving under the minimum speed limit. A policeman stops her and says: -Don’t be upset, you have documents
-What are those
-Well, some square stuff on your picture! The blonde looks in her bag and at one point pulls out a mirror and hands it to the policeman. He says: -Oh, if I knew you were a policeman, I wouldn’t stop you!
⭐ A blonde goes to the barber, sits down on the chair, and he asks her to take her headphones off her ears so she can cut her hair. That’s nothing. The barber once again asks him to take off his headphones, but that’s all. Eventually, he takes off his headphones and the blonde dies in 5 seconds of suffocation. Puzzled, the barber puts his headphones on and hears “inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.”
Ică A blonde goes to the casino and says: -I want to bet on 2 numbers, but in order to win I have to undress. Everyone agrees, undresses and rolls the dice. -I won, I won, she’s starting to enjoy it. Take the money and leave. At which the dealer says to the other, “You saw the dice he threw
.” “No, I thought you saw them,” said the other dealer.
⭐ A blonde complains to her mother: -Mother, I got pregnant! -How
and where was your head
-How where, the blonde answers, on the pillow!
Two retirees were sitting in the park on a bench when they saw a blonde. One of them says, “Look, that blonde is
dying for me!” The other responds: – How the
first pensioner: -Don’t just die before me!
⭐ The blonde calls CFR: -Please tell me how long the train takes from Târgul Mureș to Bucharest
-One second… -Thank you!
⭐ A cart was riding a horse; at one point he meets a crocodile. -Stay! If not, I’ll eat your horse. The frightened cart: -God! I’ve never seen a talking crocodile before. But the horse: – Neither do I!
An ant was sitting on the bank of the Danube, because it could not cross the Danube. Suddenly he sees the elephant. -Elephant, elephant, please cross me on the other bank. The elephant passed her. -Thank you thank you! said the ant. -Come on, let go of the spells and undress! said the elephant.
Bad but funny bad jokes / jokes
You can be sure that when you read these funny jokes, you will laugh out loud, because here you can find an uncontrollable humor. Plus, you’ll be getting bored of browsing the page and getting inspired by some very funny quality jokes.
↩️ Alinuța comes home and finds everyone crying. -What happened to you
, my grandfather died?
-Well, see… I brought him to see the house too. He was on the balcony and collapsed with him. -And my grandfather died! -He didn’t fall, but he grabbed the window frame, slipped and fell again. -His grandfather died! – She’s not dead. He fell into the tree in the yard. -And my grandfather died! -No… was catapulted on the roof, from which he slipped and pulled the whole tile after him. -And my grandfather died! -Not that he got caught in the pipe, but he broke away with it and reached the 2nd floor, but he broke with it and fell through the ceiling on the 1st floor. -And my grandfather died! -No more. He rolled up the stairs to the ground floor. -And he died… -He didn’t die, but we shot him because he was tearing down our house.
↩️ Chuck Norris doesn’t have a forehead. That’s just his third punch.
↩️ Chuck Norris can’t love, he just can’t kill.
↩️ Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
↩️ Chuck Norris can set fire to ants with a magnifying glass. The night!
↩️ Chuck Norris once swallowed a jar of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
↩️ When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesn’t get up, he pushes the ground down.
↩️ Chuck Norris never gets drunk. Nothing dares to make Chuck Norris dizzy.
↩️ There is no atomic bomb. It’s just Chuck Norris when he jumps off the plane and punches the ground.
↩️ Chuck Norris took ten on the line for exams just because “Chuck Norris” answered all the questions.
↩️ In the morning, the sun shines on Chuck Norris’ window to ask permission to rise.
↩️ Why there are thieves in Romania
Because Chuck Norris is on vacation.
↩️ A blonde who is tired of everyone laughing at her paints herself brunette, changes her name and leaves town. On the way he sees a shepherd with a flock of sheep. What is she thinking: all my life everyone has made fun of me, let me make fun of others too, because now I’m not blonde and nobody knows me. Said and done. He gets out of the car and goes to the shepherd. – Bade, if I tell you at a glance how many sheep you have in the herd, you’ll give me a sheep
– Yes, Daddy’s girl. The blonde looked around and said, “Yes.” Said and done. The cheerful blonde gets in the car, and when she leaves, the shepherd knocks on the window:
↩️ He buys his bear a new car and goes for a walk in the woods. At one point he meets the bunny. The bunny: – What are you doing, bear
? This is your car
. The bear: – Yes, let me give you a ride! The bunny gets in the car and leaves with the bear through the woods. They walk as they walk and reach a precipice. The bear: – Bunny, you bet with me that at 200km / h I put the brake to an inch of the precipice
The bunny: – Come on bear! Let me see you! Put the bear in 100, put in 200, a meter from the precipice, look at the bunny and ask him: – Bunny, you pissed on yourself
. Bunny: Yeah. The bear puts the brakes on and stops a centimeter in the precipice. The bunny: – Well done, bear! But you bet that at 300km / h I put the brake to a millimeter of the abyss
The bear: – Come on! Let me see you! Get the bunny behind the wheel and start: .100, 200, 300 km / h. At a meter from the precipice he looks at the bear and asks him: – Bear, you pissed on yourself
. Bear: – Daaaaaaaa. The bunny: – You can even say that I don’t get the brakes.
↩️ A food court opens in the woods and all the animals stand in line. Eventually the rabbit comes and makes its way among the animals. Rabbit: I’m sorry, I’m sorry! The wolf catches him and says: Get in front of
him and kick him in the ass – Get in line. The next day the bear catches him in the same way: “Get in line!” On the third day, the lion catches him and kicks him in the ass – Get in line! The rabbit gets up nervously from the ground, shakes and says: -Go to the Devil! I’m not opening you today either !!!
↩️ The painter started painting in the corridor and ended up in the purple forest, gathering pearly snow.
↩️ Just like at a wedding, you have to go to all your friends’ funerals, otherwise they won’t come to your funeral.
↩️ Two guys walk their dogs in the park. One has a Saint-Bernard. and the other leashes a very long, thin dog strangeness with an unnaturally long snout. This one with the “thin” one warns the other: -Keep your dog well and avoid me at a distance! -Come on, sir, you mean your thin one “makes” me Bernard
-Sir, be careful! – I bet $ 500 that mine will finish that one for you. I bet and let the bastards go. A cloud of dust immediately forms and only Bernard’s screams can be heard, then silence. The thin dog appears. This one with Bernard: -Sir, I lost 500 and I want to buy it for you, I’ll give you 5,000 pennies. -Santa, you know something, only the cosmetic surgery of this crocodile cost me 10,000!
↩️ A mouse chased by a cat goes mad into a stable. Here’s a cow: “Cow, cow, help me, hide me quickly, please!” “Where can I hide you, mouse?”
The cow comes up with an idea and dumps the mouse. Intră pisica: – Vaco, zi-mi repede unde e nenorocitul ăla de șoarece! “I haven’t seen any mice, but if you want, look here.” He looks around the cat and sees the mouse’s tail coming out of the pile of dung. Moral 1: Not everyone who puts you in shit wants to hurt you. Moral 2: Not everyone who gets you out of shit wants the best for you. Moral 3: If you get into shit, at least get in the way.
↩️ An illusionist was working on a ship. He gave a performance every week. Each time, the spectators were different, so he allowed himself to always do the same tricks. The only problem was the captain’s parrot, who was slowly beginning to understand the tricks. And at one point he began to reveal the secret in the middle of each performance: – Aaaa, look, it’s not the same hat! – Aaaa, look, the flowers are hidden under the table! – Aaaa, look, he’s got some books up his sleeve! And so on. The illusionist got angry every time, but he had nothing to do. At one point, the ship sinks, leaving only the illusionist and the parrot surviving. For several days, each floating on a plank, they looked at each other in enmity, without uttering a word. Eventually, the parrot says, “Okay, I’ll give up.” Where’s the ship?
↩️ The bunny enters a bar, sits shyly and asks: -One hundred vodkas, please! The bartender, a fierce, muscular black man, says: -Money bunny, that’s not required. He goes out, comes in again and says: A vodka, definitely. The bunny comes out, enters the bar shyly, sits down on the chair and asks: -A vodka, please! The bartender explains to him once more and throws him out again. The bunny comes in again and asks: -A vodka, please! The nervous bartender, he shows her how to do it. He goes out, breaks down the doors, slams two tables, hits two customers, sits down, punches the bar and asks: -A vodka! The bunny: -We don’t serve blacks.
↩️ One goes to buy a parrot too. He arrives at the store: -I would like that beautiful parrot too. How much does it cost –
You know
, that’s a great parrot and it costs $ 500. He knows Romanian very well and is still learning a foreign language. -Then give me the uglier one. -You know
that one costs $ 1000. He speaks Romanian and translates perfectly into 4 more foreign languages. -Then give me the one in the corner, the most bitter and miserable. -That parrot costs $ 4,000. -What
‘s where so far so much money on a parrot
. What else does he know how to do
? -I don’t know, but the other two call him “professor”.
↩️ During World War II, some German soldiers arrive in a foreign village and enter a grandmother’s house. Grandma, forced, feeds them. While they were eating, the old woman’s parrot began to shout, “Death to Hitler! Death to Hitler! ”, That was how the grandmother taught him. The angry Germans overturn the table, tear it down and say to the old woman: -We’ll be back tomorrow. If your parrot keeps saying such nonsense, we’ll kill you. Baba, frightened, goes to the village priest, who had an identical parrot, and exchanges parrots. On the second day, the Germans come and sit at the table. The parrot is silent. The Germans arrive at type 2, the parrot is silent. Finish eating them, the parrot is silent. Then one of them, to strengthen him, says: -Death to Hitler, parrot! And the parrot: – God hear your prayer, son!
↩️ A woman with an ugly child gets on the train. Look for a place in a compartment. Get in. In the compartment a little boy starts to cry. The poor woman is coming out. Find another compartment. The same thing happens. Get out. Find a compartment where a gentleman reads the newspaper. Ask if he’s free, come in. After a while, the gentleman folds his newspaper and takes a banana out of his bag: -Madam, you want
-No, thank you! -But maybe he wants the monkey.
↩️ One day the bunny goes to the grocery store: -You have protocols
to which the saleswoman answers: -It’s called ORANGE, and not PROTOCAL and we don’t have it. On the 2nd day the bunny at the grocery store: -You have
protocols Seller: -Oranges are not protocols and we don’t have them. If you come to ask about oranges, I’ll prick your ears. On the 3rd day, the bunny went to the barn: -You have a hammer
Seller: -No. The bunny: -You have the seller
. -No. The Bunny: “But PROTOCAL
“
