Relationship Check-In Questions 

When relationships become long-term and busy, it can be easy to take them for granted and let things go without being mindful of our partners and ourselves. That is why check-ins are important. Relationship check-ins are the perfect way to make sure you are making the most out of your relationship and maintaining its health.

Check-ins are particularly important when things are feeling strained, or when you’ve hit a rough patch and need to check-in to see how your partner is doing. Check-ins give you the chance to be honest with yourself and your partner and also to hear what your partner is thinking and feeling.

Benefits of Asking Regular Relationship Check-In Questions 

Relationship check-in questions can help couples come together and stay connected in a satisfying and meaningful way. These check-ins can be beneficial in many ways, including:

  • Strengthening the bond between two people
  • Ensuring the relationship is fulfilling and meaningful
  • Building trust and understanding
  • Providing an opportunity to grow the relationship
  • Allowing the couple to openly discuss difficult topics in a non-defensive manner
  • Giving each person an opportunity to be heard
  • Engaging both partners in a meaningful conversation.

Below are some useful and important ideas for check-ins that can help you and your partner strengthen your relationship.

Questions to Ask Yourself Before a Check-In 

Before engaging in a check-in with your partner, it’s important to ask yourself these questions to ensure that the conversation is productive and beneficial.

-Am I giving myself the time and space I need to adequately prepare for this conversation?
-Am I being mindful of how I will speak to my partner, and of how I want my partner to speak to me?
-Am I being mindful of how my reactions will affect my partner?
-Am I being mindful of how my words and responses will be received by my partner?
-Am I expecting something of my partner that I haven’t been willing, or able, to offer myself?
-Am I being mindful of my own needs and expectations?

Questions to Ask During a Check-In 

When engaging in a check-in with your partner, start by setting an intention of how you would like the conversation to go. This can be done through a reflective question such as “What do you would like to get out of this conversation?” or “What do you hope to learn?” Once you have established the intention for your check-in, ask some questions related to the following topics:

  1. What do you need from me in order for you to feel most loved and supported?
  2. How can I help you the next time you feel frustrated or overwhelmed?
  3. What would make you feel the most comfortable and secure in this relationship?
  4. What is a goal that you have that I can help you with?
  5. What do you find most challenging in this relationship?
  6. What part of our relationship do you need me to work on?
  7. What are some things we can do together to help strengthen our relationship?

Questions to Ask During a Difficult Time 

If your relationship has recently gone through a difficult time, it can be beneficial to ask the following questions.

-What do we need to do to repair the trust between us?
-What can I do to help heal any hurt you may still be feeling?
-What do I need to do differently to ensure that this type of situation doesn’t happen again?
-What can we do together to overcome this challenge?
-What can we do as a couple to become stronger and improve our communication?
-What lessons have we learned from this experience?

Questions to Ask After a Positive Moment 

It is important to take time to appreciate and celebrate the positive moments in life. Make sure to ask these kinds of questions after a positive moment to encourage these kinds of moments in your relationship.

-What about this moment made it so special for us?
-What did we do right during this event/situation?
-What can we do to make it even better in the future?
-How can we move forward feeling inspired and motivated?
-What do we need to do to create more of these experiences in the future?

It is important to check-in regularly with your partner. During these check-ins it’s important to ask yourself and your partner the right questions to ensure the conversation is productive and beneficial. It is also important to pay attention to the type of question you are asking, depending on the context and right moment. Asking self-reflection questions, questions during a check-in, questions during a difficult time, and questions after a positive moment are all beneficial to ensure your relationship is healthy and providing mutual satisfaction.