Do you remember any “similar” joke, where the absurd is played, at the same time being funny to tears. Well, we made the TOP of the worst jokes in the world that will make you happy for the whole day!
In the list below you will find bad and funny jokes about everything in the world. Read, smile or maybe even laugh out loud!
Bad jokes, short and funny
Dry and bad jokes can sound cool, stupid and even weird. They usually contain a lot of black humor and are always funny. In this paragraph you will find new jokes in the realm of the absurd, as well as everything your heart desires in the world of very bad jokes. Share!
➞ My husband loved life more than I did. Therefore, I had to separate him from her.
I like to go to the bookstore and ask, “Do you have the book ‘How to Stop Killing People When You Hear No’
➞ In the subway. The girl says to the old Georgian: -Please take the suitcase from the aisle! -Girl, it’s not a suitcase, it’s a wallet!
➞ -Mom, I can go take a bath
-Yes, just don’t get wet.
➞ “Go to hell”, from the creators “For her I’m ready for anything”.
➞ Two crocodiles fly in the sky – one blue and one red, especially the red one.
➞ It annoys me when everything annoys me so much that nothing annoys me anymore!
➞ If the man listened patiently to everything that happened to a woman for a day, the foreplay can be considered to have begun.
➞ -Son, who do you want to become when you grow up
-Satana. -Bravo, son, you’re stupid, but I like your ambition.
➞ A non-principal priest began the service with the words: “Do you want to – believe, want – not”.
➞ -You’re smart
– In what sense
➞ So everyone is in place: nervousness, apathy, paranoia… but where is laziness
Ah, hey, he’s barely moving.
➞ Bucharest residents are able to determine the exact time depending on the length of traffic jams.
➞ To a woman. Drink with her for love. Her eyes sparkle. Words are useless.
➞ We attended kindergarten together, we went to a class at school and in college we went in a group. I look on Facebook – she is 27 years old and I am 38 years old.
➞ Ionel had a terrible accident and miraculously survived. “Miracles don’t exist,” Ionel thought, and climbed back into the burning car.
➞ Soup is mulled wine from vegetables.
➞ Recently, the World Logic Championship was held. The winner has won, the gift has been given.
➞ A friend says to another: -My book will come out soon. -How nice! -Although we didn’t eat better.
➞ -It’s really hard for you to answer me
Why are you ignoring me
-Boy, step aside from the coffin.
➞ -It’s time to change something in life. -We can sit on the TV in the evening and watch the couch.
The alarm clock! Everything is over! And stop calling me!
➞ From Dragobete I will cut the heart-shaped salami and give it to my cat.
➞ After sex, the clown turned a condom into a puppy.
➞ The bee dies after it stings. How good it would be with people: they did something wrong – they died right away!
➞ Following the saying “Don’t leave for tomorrow what you can do today”, Ionel committed suicide the day before he was executed.
➞ It is very difficult to catch a boy with very high eyebrows.
➞ The young butcher did not know where to start and introduced himself to the pig.
➞ The seeds in the patient’s pocket did not allow the surgeons to continue the operation.
➞ The girl’s house was located between the morgue and the cemetery, so that she would not be afraid at night, she would walk through the cemetery.
➞ Criminal news: yesterday, a prisoner left a very poorly guarded prison.
➞ In our school there is a girl who, according to the zodiac sign, is Libra, and after Libra – Taurus.
➞ The protest of the crusaders took place forty meters to the left of the city administration building.
Bate “He beats me means he loves me,” said the drunk electrician and climbed back into the transformer box.
➞ -This skirt is too short! I forbid you to go out in it! -But Dad… -Stop, Ioane, you were raising a normal boy…
➞ In the Korean chef, with very good eyes, the dogs trust him until the last breath.
➞ The train driver usually closes the toilet with the key at home.
➞ Ionel knew his price. That price, let’s say, wasn’t very high.
➞ -You like my daughter
-In bed yes, but not like that.
➞ He wanted a beautiful figure and a flat abdomen, but his soul demanded salami.
➞ -What are you doing there, fools?
A grandmother shouted at the fools who were doing something there.
The worst short jokes
There are jokes about fools, jokes about fools, jokes about human stupidity or just bad but good jokes. The collection below contains some of such jokes.
😄 The salary whispers to me: “Let’s go out somewhere”.
😄 I have long wanted to write to you: “Happy birthday!”, But I had no good reason.
😄 If you speak in a dream – there is no cause for concern. This is what the dead are trying to connect with you through the world of the living. Good night.
😄 -Why do you take everything literally -What
letters are you talking
about 😄 The vacuum cleaner was invented by chance. An engineer noticed that the newest scarecrow was also very dusty.
The woman must be beautiful – on a whole bed.
😄 I hate two-faced people… I don’t understand which one to hit.
😄 I love people who like me for their elegant and delicate taste.
😄 The main thing is for my future husband to be a good man, but I don’t care what he sells there, oil or gas.
😄 Two hipsters fell into a hole with mangoes, bananas and celery stalks. One gave up immediately and went out, and the other started clapping and invented a smoothie.
- A deaf neighbor is watching a church TV station. I woke up sweating with a wild feeling that I was buried.
- We are the poor of the new generation: we have expensive smartphones and computers with which we can access our internet-bank to make sure we don’t have any money in our account.
- It turned out that if you do not display your personal life, then the curious themselves add something creative to it.
- More than half of the spring has passed. There is no chance of losing weight until the summer. So, eat quietly, food is the only joy in life.
- You have to marry a woman you would choose to be your friend if she were a man.
- Lacanophobia – fear of vegetables. It seems to me that the cucumbers in the fridge are looking at me with suspicion.
- I signed up for a training: “How not to be a sucker”. Expensive, of course, but what to do.
- Thank God women are weaker than men. Otherwise, it’s not enough that you wouldn’t understand why they were upset, but also why they beat you.
- The Ministry of Health warns – excessive communication with people causes nerve damage and an obsessive desire to kill.
😄 I think people who believe in horoscopes are idiots. How can you believe this?
Even a fortune teller told me that all this is nonsense.
😄 -We need your killer skills. Here’s the money, your goal is cunning and dangerous. -Take your 12 lei, I already said that I will not take the wasp out of the room.
😄 -You have three children and they are behaving so well. -That’s because there were four of them before.
😄 -Look, my mustache is twisted like Salvador Dali’s. That’s so cool
– How weird you are, Maria.
😄 -Why you just can’t enjoy life
Forgetting your sarcasm, cynicism, anger and being a normal person
-Because I have a brain, baby. He keeps me from being an idiot. You have no way of understanding that.
😄 Close your eyes. Imagine the sound of the sea. Rain outside the window. The freshness of the mountains. And all the stupid idiots who burn in the fire. That’s it, the relaxation session is over.
😄 A brilliant boy graduated from high school at 13, university at 16, master’s degree at 17, then hid in the forest for 10 years in the woods.
😄 During my school years, I drank behind the garages while my classmates learned to dance. Years have passed, I keep drinking, but are they still dancing
😄 -I will always be by your side and, if you fall, I will give you a helping hand… -Ioane, you idiot, don’t shake the stairs!
😄 -Listen here! I am the law! -I want to tell you that you are a child psychologist like that.
😄 -We can meet, what do you think
-I think it’s a very, very bad idea, which won’t end with anything good. So come on, of course!
😄 Never do what cannot be explained quickly to ambulances.
😄 I think I have postnatal depression. It started right after I was born.
😄 I was so disappointed in the female friendship that when I want to complain to someone about my husband, he and I complain.
😄 To show logical caution, you must be cautious and logical.
😄 Going from second wife to first is like going back to the crime scene.
😄 -We have to break up. It’s not the problem in you, it’s in me. My ears make stupid and meaningless sentences out of what you say, and my eyes make you look ugly and stupid.
The best bad, dry jokes
If you are looking for bad but funny jokes, then we recommend you take a look at the selection below.
You say you don’t drink – everyone is trying to make you drunk. You say you don’t eat meat – everyone is trying to get you meat. You say you don’t have money – why doesn’t anyone give it
to you? For half an hour I told him about the colony on Mars, lasers and the time machine. Later it turned out that I didn’t quite understand the question…
🔁 The husband returned from a business trip and dragged his wife to bed. Behind the wall, the neighbor shouted, “Damn, you can be quieter! Such concerts for a week already!
🔁 -Grandpa! I’m sorry, Grandma! I broke your favorite ship again. -Off, the third hookah in a week!
She is no longer waiting for the prince, she needs his dad.
🔁 Practically daily sports walking. The average result is 900 meters in 8 minutes. I usually manage to buy beer from a store that closes at night.
🔁 -What do you think about sex in threesome
-If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, it is enough to visit my parents.
- The Caucasian father looked carefully at his hairy son and shouted at his wife, “Listen, darling, I don’t understand.
- Ionel came home in such a bad mood that his wife, not knowing what else he wanted, sat naked in the sarmale.
- An inexperienced fortune teller predicted that Ionel would be without sex for 2 years. But Ionel did not get lost and proved to her twice that she was a charlatan.
- Ionel will be grilling and Winnie the Pooh will be grilling. Similar phrases, but what a different fate!
- 500 women whose kiss is sweeter: husband or boyfriend were asked. 300 answered that of the husband, and 200 women answered that of the lover. And no one answered, “I don’t know.”
- Pastry ad: “We’re hiring a diabetic salesman.”
- Mrs. Ziegelberg wishes her neighbor a happy birthday: My dear, beauty for you, love, money, mind! The rest you already have everything!
🔁 I don’t know you, you don’t know me… Let’s not ruin our ideal relationship!
🔁 The doctor to the patient: -I will also refer you to a rheumatologist. -Why is the
patient asking? -Because I kept telling you to bring the certificate from work, but I see that your elbow hurts.
🔁 A TV star apologizes: if I look like I’ve gained weight, you should know that a camera makes you gain 5 kilograms. A viewer asks her: and how many cameras you filmed
🔁 -Why do you have a muffin in profile
-Because it represents me. -Why are
you as sweet as a muffin
-No, I’m round.
🔁 -What is the female cuckoo
, the husband asks his wife, insinuating and stroking her under the duvet. -Shut up and shut up!
Place I like your cat… he’s alive
🔁 -Honey, my head hurts because I can’t anymore, I sneeze and my nose runs. You buy me some paracetamol from the pharmacy. My
boyfriend is coming back with paracetamol. His girlfriend makes him happy. -Thank you very much, darling! -Use it healthy!
🔁 How do you know your husband loves you? He
lets you choose what he beats you with.
🔁 How a law student chooses his chosen one
According to the law.
🔁 How a chosen pensioner dreams
of With a large pension.
🔁 How do I know what I’m going to think until I hear what I’m going to say
🔁 The brain is best seen through an open mouth.
🔁 Buy your fur in your youth, because in old age, by wearing it and looking in the mirror, you will understand that fur looks better than you.
🔁 -Miss, what will you drink, vodka or tequila
-I don’t even know… everything looks so tasty.
🔁 -Ioane, how long will it be twice or twice
-We buy or sell
🔁 In the morning, answering the call, making a voice as if you had already been up for a long time, is an art.
I look at chocolate. Chocolate is looking at me. Sparks. Passion. Madness.
Dacă And if God is a woman, not only will you not go to heaven, but you will never know why.
🔁 In a low-income family, disposable plates are crammed during quarrels.
🔁 A cat walks in the field. A cow asks him: -So small and your mustache has already grown
-And you are so big and still without a bra
🔁 -Mom! Dad got drunk again! -How do you know
-Shave the bathroom mirror.
🔁 -You know that joke with the rabbit in the bathroom
-No! – Neither did I, because the door was closed.
🔁 A dog walks through the desert and says: If I can’t find a tree, I’ll do it!
🔁 A hunter is asked: -What qualities does one who hunts wild animals need
– Three things: good eyes, a safe hand and a loud voice. -But the loud voice for what
-To be heard if he is on the top of the tree and asks for help.
🔁 I put you to bed, I’m wet and I get inside you, I make you moan and scream, don’t be scared, it’s me, the FLU.
The coolest bad jokes
In this entertainment section, we collected short and inherently stupid jokes, as well as bad hanging jokes. Sometimes just such jokes can cause laughter and, as a result, good mood.
- -When boys ask for girls’ hands
-When they’re tired of theirs.
- -What is the name of the woman who always knows where her husband is
- -What to do to a hippopotamus with diarrhea
- Call the police. -They stole everything from me, the steering wheel and the pedals. Put the handset on. Sounds in 2 minutes. -Forgive me, I sat in the back seat.
- -Why doesn’t the snail run
-Because his eyes would flutter!
- -What is small, black and his heart hurts
-Adrian Copil Minune.
- A plane crashes into a cemetery. Police recover 3,000 victims.
- A beggar from New York: -Help a poor blind beggar! Help a poor blind beggar! Yes, I feel like I’m black too…
▶ ️ -Why the snail died -Look at the
▶ ️ Newspaper ad: “We’re hiring a clown, please be serious.”
▶ ️ -When Duncan Mclaud’s mother found out his son was immortal
-After the third abortion!
▶ ️ You know the short version from LETTER 3
Iato: -You are Mircea
▶ ️ Two lovers on the edge of a precipice. She’s hot and he’s windy.
▶ ️ The pinnacle of the sport: running alone and not winning.
▶ ️ What a horse does in a field full of cannabis
▶ ️ There were once two balloons in the desert. One balloon says to the other, “Look, a cactus.”
▶ ️ Whoever sleeps with the chickens does it a second time!
▶ ️ Announcement: “Young and blind, I’m looking for a pleasant young woman to feel”.
▶ ️ The most lying animal is the bear. He says “I’m dying, I’m dying” and he’s not dying.
▶ ️ -Burn! -Mom!
▶ ️ -What is a white line in the desert
-A white thread. -What’s the black line in the desert
-The shadow of the thread.
▶ ️ Every minute a sucker is born. The important thing is to find it.
▶ ️ -Hello -Well
▶ ️ The shortest joke about Jews: I don’t!
▶ ️ A desperate man addresses another man on the road: -Don’t be upset! Please tell me where the bread factory is
– I don’t mind. It’s next to the garment factory. -And please tell me where is this garment
factory -Near the bread factory. -Okay, me, give the bread factory and the garment factory where I can find them
-Side by side!
▶ ️ Nobody and the Fool have reached the sea. They’re going to take a bath. Nobody is drowning! The fool calls Salvamar: -Yes, Nobody is drowning! -Yes, you’re stupid
-Yes, it’s me!
▶ ️ A very fat man is sitting in front of a kindergarten. At one point an educator comes to him and asks him: -Don’t be upset, wait for a child
As a reply, the fat man says: -No, that’s how fat I am!
▶ ️ Bubble goes to the post office and says to the postman: -Don’t be upset, I’m waiting for a letter! -I’m not upset, wait!
▶ ️ Mutu tells Surdu that Chiorul saw Lame running after a Chel to pull his hair.
▶ ️ -When the stork stands on one leg
-When he lifts the other!
▶ ️ -You know how the duck looks in the cellar
-Take the duck, take it to the cellar and look at it there.
▶ ️ A guy falls from the 7th floor. After about 5 minutes, his hair falls out. She had used a lotion that delayed hair loss.
▶ ️ -Why does the rhino have a horn
-Because he couldn’t find a bun.
▶ ️ Handsome young man, student, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I have a concrete car, a 12-room house, rich parents, I don’t want anything, I just brag.
▶ ️ A knife was heard in the corner of a round house. The dead man was hanged.
▶ ️ -What does Tarzan say when he sees a thousand elephants coming towards him
-Look, brother, a thousand elephants coming towards me !!
▶ ️ 2 walls speak: -We meet at the corner!
▶ ️ A man was walking quietly through the desert when he suddenly took a slap. Nobody looked right, left, back. He looked up: clear. He walks over and slaps him again. Nobody looked right, left, back. He looked up: clear. Go on: slap him again. Nobody looked right, left, back. He looked up: clear. And so he took three slaps in the face.
▶ ️ -Why did Mihai Viteazul hold the sword in his left hand -On the
▶ ️ -What happens if you break one of the ten commandments
-There are nine left.
▶ ️ You know what half an orange looks like
with the other half.
▶ ️ -What would Princess Diana have done if she had been alive
▶ ️ -What do an elephant and a zebra have in common?
-They both have horns, except for the zebra.
▶ ️ In a madhouse, an officer checks to see if there are any cured patients. -Please tell me how many times I do 7 times 7
The patient thinks and answers: -Red. The agent asks the second patient: -Please tell me how many times I do 7 times 7.
He thinks for 5 minutes and answers exhausted: -Green. Nervously, the agent calls the third patient and asks him the same question: how much do I do 7 times 7
-49. Gladly, the agent asks: -But how did you know
-Well, I divided from red to green.
You can tell these bad jokes on the phone to a friend or a large group of friends, at a picnic or at home – it’s important to say them with intonation!