It is well known that smiles lift the mood, thus prolonging life. For this reason, it was probably the best joke in the world – for a great mood and a training of the facial muscles.
Another reason why very good jokes and jokes are appreciated all over the world is that they allow you to integrate more easily into a bunch of new people, because nothing will raise a person in the eyes of others, like good bad jokes, he said. at time. That’s why we decided to prepare a collection of good and short jokes for you.
In this article you will find everything for the dose of humor: the best jokes of all time, but also very good jokes.
It’s time to smile!
Good jokes / jokes (short and long)
New and good jokes are always in high demand. This time we enjoy the best short and long jokes.
⇒ Theory of relativity: In bed: it’s 7 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it’s 8:45. At work: it’s 1:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and when you open them it’s 1:31.
Și He and she in bed. The phone is ringing. She answers and comes back. “Who was
it?” He asks. – Husband. – Then I’m leaving. – Relax. He said he was staying for another hour because he went out for a beer with you.
⇒ Three friends in the woods: a deaf man, a bald man and a scoundrel. “Pst,” says the deaf man, “I think I hear something!” “Brrr,” replied the bald man, “my hair is falling out!” And the bitch:
– Don’t be afraid, I’m armed to the teeth!
Igur Of course I talk to myself sometimes! From time to time I need the advice of an expert.
We are heavier as we get older. Probably because a lot of information is gathering in our head.
⇒ At my age, “self-satisfaction” is the same as entering a room and remembering why you entered.
Men are like shoes: the ones you like cost you. Very few are worth keeping for more than one season. If you don’t get them right, they might beat you. The comfortable ones do not attract you, and those who attract you do not want to enter. No matter how much you talk to them, they don’t become more malleable. One is enough for Cinderella. Some deserve to be left at the door. People judge you according to them. Other women envy you for yours, and you envy other women for theirs. The laces must be tied. Everyone must be trampled underfoot.
⇒ A turtle “skates” through the desert sand in search of water. She walks away and suddenly – “Pac!”, A slap on the head. He looks to the right, he looks to the left, he looks back, he looks up – clear sky, nothing. She walks through the desert – “Pac!”, And slaps her head. He looks to the right, he looks to the left, he looks back, he looks up – clear sky, nothing. Morale: That’s how he got his turtle two palms out of the blue.
⇒ Broccoli: I look like a tree. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella.
Apple: I look like a heart. Banana: Let’s change the subject.
⇒ -The man has three great desires. -Which are these
-Be as beautiful as she is in her mother’s eyes. Be as rich as his son thinks he is. To have as many women as his wife suspects he has.
⇒ A cannibal with his son sees a plane. The son says: – Dad, that one eats
– Not everything, son, only the core!
⇒ Honey, you have to tell our son not to marry that fool! “That’s the culmination, as if someone warned me!”
⇒ Bartender: Your wife is gorgeous, but what do you want to drink
– Give me exactly what you drank too!
⇒ A bade comes to the pharmacy and asks: -Miss, you have those blue medicines from which you feel good
-Yes, bade, Viagra tells them. -Then it is. And how much does one cost
-35 lei. -And how long it lasts
-About four hours, bade. -And it really costs 35 lei
-Yes, bade, I told you before. Badea, scratching his head: -Then… for a quarter of an hour more is not worth giving 35 lei.
⇒ Q: What is missing from a girl who has 10,000 likes on Facebook
A: Clothes.
⇒ – Which women do you prefer: those who talk a lot or the others
– Which others
⇒ -Why only 10% of women go to heaven
-If there were more, there would be hell.
⇒ – You promised to stop drinking and become a different person! “That’s what I did.” But that man also likes to drink.
⇒ The wife says to the husband: Know that I no longer understand! You used to be happy if you could see me for a few minutes a day! The husband says in his beard: And now the same…
⇒ Slous’s law: If you perform a task too well, you will be left with it on your head.
⇒ Franko’s law on work: If you like what you do, you probably do the wrong thing.
⇒ The first trap of genius: No boss will keep a subordinate, who is right all the time.
⇒ Raphel’s law on business: The less work employees have, the slower they will work.
⇒ Otto’s Law: You always do something unimportant when your boss walks by your office.
⇒ Grandpa to grandson: Think about it, I was already working at your age! The nephew answers: Think about it, I’m still working at your age.
⇒ – Hello, a car on Ion Iliescu, please. – It’s a street
– No, a plea.
A man was shopping in a supermarket with a stroller carrying his two-year-old boy. The child was crying hysterically. The man was lazily pushing the cart, saying in a calm voice, “I’m almost done, Cristi.” Try not to cry, Cristi. Life will be better, you’ll see. I promise you.
The child was crying louder, shaking hands and feet. When they get home, the man says: -Try not to be upset anymore, Cristi. We’ll be home soon. Everything will be fine, Cristi. The child screamed from all corners, throwing the products out of the stroller. The cashier, impressed, says: – Sir, it is extraordinary how gentle and calm you speak to your little boy, Cristi! – My little boy’s name is Daniel, I’m Cristi.
“Listen, you have a favorite writer.”
– Yes, he’s my boyfriend. – And what it says
– Checks!
⇒ Last night, my wife had a nightmare and screamed in her sleep. Reflexively, I got up quickly, washed the dishes, took out the trash, and vacuumed.
It’s hard to wait for the right person to show up in your life, especially when the wrong person looks damn good!
⇒ I like the way this orange juice adds vitamins and calcium over my vodka.
⇒ Bubble told his friends: – I can say that I am a lucky guy. – Why
– Well, my wife just told me I can invite my hot secretary to our house this weekend, give her something to drink, and then make love to her as much as I want. “That’s exactly what your wife told you.”
“Well, not with those words,” she said, “I’m going to the country with my mother, so you’re going to have to do it alone this weekend.”
⇒ Shipwrecks. A passenger swims up to the captain and asks, “Captain, how far to swim to the nearest land
?” “Three miles.” – In which direction
– Down!
⇒ The hospital electrician goes to the intensive care unit and tells the patients with an oxygen mask on their faces: – Guys, take a deep breath, because I need to change some fuses.
⇒ – Waiter, I feel at home in your place. – You like us so much
– From where! The thing is, no one at home pays attention to me.
⇒ The policeman investigating a suicide case asks the secretary: Cute, you don’t know why your boss threw himself out the window
– I have no idea, but he was such a nice and attentive man. Last month she bought me a fur coat, last week she bought me a sports car, and this morning she bought me a diamond ring! Then he told me he wanted to sleep with me and asked me what I was asking for in return. – And what did you say
– That here in the office, people usually give me $ 50.
⇒ A black man with a huge, brightly colored parrot on his shoulder enters a store. The saleswoman exclaims in astonishment: Alas, how beautiful it is! Where did you get it from
? – From Africa, the parrot answers quickly.
⇒ Cannibal proverb: All people are equally good.
⇒ And the married man can be happy, it is important not to find out his wife!
⇒ I haven’t been wireless for two days. I think the neighbor forgot to pay the bill again.
⇒ Today I tried to avoid vodka, but it’s 40% stronger than me.
⇒ What different women from different countries say when they are caught red-handed: The Englishwoman: “John, you’re a gentleman, so close the door on the outside.” The Frenchwoman: “Jean, what’s yours is set aside.” The Hungarian: “Ianos, do you believe what you see, or do you believe what I tell you
” Romanian: “Ioane, only in the head it doesn’t work!”
Jokes / Jokes dry and good
Bad but good jokes can only be appreciated by connoisseurs of perfect black humor!
➡️ Biology teacher: I have lungs in the lab, I’ll bring them next time you see them too!
➡️ – Who thinks it’s bad to stand up… To which a student stood up. Teacher: -Well, you’re really stupid
Student: -No, but I was sorry to leave you alone.
➡️ Meningoencephalitis either dies or you stay stupid. I’m telling you, I had!
➡️
An Arab shakes a rug on the 4th floor. A passer-by asks him: -What’s
wrong? (about a photocopied sheet)
➡️ In the army. Commander: – Last night, a criminal hand broke the sink with his foot!
➡️ Teacher: – I looked at you a few times, but you can’t hear…
➡️ The teacher, after writing a problem on the board: – Come on children, who wants to do it with me on the board!
➡️ The thermometer is of two types: water thermometer and alcoholic thermometer.
➡️ You are 29 idiots, I am one!
➡️ Pearl: “Mihai Eminescu has always suffered from poverty, dying of hunger all his life”.
➡️ In history, the teacher said: – Under this photo it says: “serfs singing” and you should be proud of that. The next hour, the teacher said, “You’re out of time.” What is the name of that photo, you know?
A student wrote, “You put it in singing.”
➡️ In physics: -As you see, you don’t see anything. Why don’t you see anything, you’ll see right away.
➡️ History teacher: – Hamurabi was an aide. – What’s that
– What class are
you
? He was a shit.
➡️ – What’s the difference between guilt and sin
– It’s a guilt to sleep with someone else’s wife, but it’s a shame to miss the opportunity.
➡️ Q: What is the difference between shock and pleasure
A: Pleasure is momentary, shock comes after 9 months.
➡️ -Chelner, you served me an old hen. -How do you know she was old
-After her teeth! -But the hen has no teeth! -No, but I did!
➡️ -What is the difference between a cart and a cigarette -There are
two oxen in the cart, only one in the cigarette.
Good morning jokes / jokes
Thanks to the good morning jokes, you will start the day positive! Here are some examples.
✅️ – His mother would eat him as a smart puppy, as he brings the morning paper!
✅️ Irritated husband: – Smart, damn it… Neighbors’ dogs do the same! “Yes, but we’ve never been to the newspaper!”
Ei️ – Well, you !, shouted a policeman on the motorcycle, reaching the car. You didn’t hear me tell you to stop
– I heard you, but I thought you said, “Good morning, Senator.” – Isn’t it, says the policeman with a smile, that today is a beautiful day, Senator
✅️ – What makes a good secretary different from a very good one
– The good one every morning says: “Good morning, boss”. But the very good one whispers sweetly in your ear: “It’s morning now, boss…”
✅️ Don’t worry about old age. It doesn’t last forever.
✅️ Walking can prolong your life. That makes you spend an extra 5 months in a nursing home at the age of 85.
✅️ You have to walk very early in the morning before you know what you’re doing.
✅️ The biggest lie I tell every day is that I don’t have to write down because I remember.
✅️ I changed my car horn into something that mimics gunfire. People are disappearing from my path much faster.
✅️ I don’t like making plans. In court, the word “premeditated” attracts much greater punishment.
✅️ All in all, two hours of walking a day only spoils your shoes.
✅️ Chapman’s Law: If you can’t finish your job in the first 24 hours, work at night.
✅️ The wife leaves for the delegation, in the interest of the job. The husband wakes the baby in the morning, prepares his breakfast and takes him by the hand to take him to kindergarten. In kindergarten, the teacher tells her that this child is unknown to her. It takes him to a second kindergarten and a third. When he leaves the fourth kindergarten, the child says to him: – Daddy, another kindergarten and I’m even late for school today.
The best jokes for smart kids
This selection of good laughing jokes for kids has been specially created to have a lot of fun reading them together. These are tasteful jokes, and she will love what your little one will discover!
↩️ – If your tooth hurts, we need to go to the dentist. I hope you’re not afraid. – No, Daddy. – That’s how I want you, brave. Know that the dentist does nothing for you! – If so, what’s the point of bothering him
↩️ The father is called to school: – Your son drew a fly on the bench, very real, and I crushed my fist trying to kill her. – Ha! Having seen me, when I entered the bathroom and saw a painted crocodile in the bathtub, I was afraid to go out through a painted door.
↩️ – Madam teacher, someone can be punished for something they did not do
– Not. “Then please don’t punish me, because I haven’t written my homework for today.”
↩️ – Daddy, why did you marry my mother
– See, not even the baby understands why.
↩️ – Why does the crow squeak when it flies
– Change speed.
↩️ The educator asks Mariuca in kindergarten: – Where do you get, Mariuca, such beautiful and rich hair
From your mother or your father
– I think from my father, that he has none at all.
↩️ – Grandpa, God made you
– Yes, my dear, God made me, Grandpa answers. A few minutes later, the little girl asks her grandfather again: – Grandpa, but God made me
“Yes, my dear,” replied Grandfather. For a few minutes, the little girl studies her grandfather, and then she looks at her reflection in the mirror. Her grandfather wondered what was going through her mind. At last the little girl says, “You know what, Grandpa
God is doing a better job lately.”
↩️ The teacher wrote in the student’s notebook: – “Liliana talks too much”. The father, signing the acknowledgment note, adds: – “If you knew his mother…”
↩️
The bald father, the little girl asks her mother:
hair, mother answers. – But why do you have so much hair on your head
– Eat and shut up!
↩️ A child was crying in the hallway. The teacher sees him. – Baby, why are you crying
– A child stole my pie! – It was on purpose
. – No, with cheese.
↩️ – Mihai, you put water on the fish
– Yes, mother, but they didn’t drink anything!
↩️ The family goes to an amusement park and at a contest they win a teddy bear. The father hugs the children and asks them: – Let’s see, who is the most polite and obedient, who never makes jokes, who does not come out of the word of the mother The
children, without thinking too much, answer in chorus: – Okay , Daddy, you take the teddy bear!
↩️ – Daddy, what is that “man”
– Well… he is a strong man, who loves, protects and takes care of his family! – Super! I want to be a man, like my mother!
↩️ – Kids, what it means to be a diplomat
– Think twice before saying anything!
↩️ – I’d like to help an old man, Daddy. You give me some money, at least three, four thousand lei
– Yes, boy, bravo, it’s a very nice gesture. Look, take ten thousand lei. Where’s that poor man
– On the sidewalk, on the corner. Sell ice cream.
↩️ His mother enters Răducu’s bedroom to wake him up to go to school, but finds him crying. – Son, why are you crying
? “I dreamed the school had caught fire.” My mother tries to comfort him. “Stop crying, my dear. It was just a dream.” “That’s why I’m crying!”
↩️ Why cats are good at video games
because they have nine lives.
↩️ Who dared to overthrow my office like this
(thunder the director) – Your little son, sir! – Talented child, isn’t it
↩️ Who is stronger, an elephant or a snail
A snail, because he carries his whole house on his back, the elephant only carries his horn.
↩️ Why did the farmer take a brown cow
because he wanted to get milk with chocolate.
